Created Metaphors

Those Words

I woke up this morning with a sharp remembering.  I had forgotten.

Once the walls of my bedroom were tessellated thick with books, pictures, paintings, ephemera and words.  Once, that now empty space between the picture rail and the ceiling was filled with hand-written quotes I had lovingly gathered, captured, set down.

I would go to sleep with them and wake up with them before my eyes.

Where are my quotes and words now?  What was it they told me?

Words Slipping

And so my writing lacks depth, beauty, truth.

Or so it seems to me.

I see the souls of others, bared on the screen, bringing tears to my eyes.

I remember how I locked down rather than show myself.

I wonder where the me is that I kept confined for so long, wrapped up tight.

I look for my defended self.

And I wonder where my words lie.

Damned Fine Coffee

I have recently started a piece of idle musing.  Do I drink so much coffee because it was featured so strongly in Twin Peaks? 

Did I watch it at just the right age for me to take up coffee and smoking (stopped for almost two years) because of all the placement?  And why did I never take to cherry pie? 

These really are important questions and vital for me to consider over and above doing my work.

Return to the Blue

The worst of the academic year is now over.  Not worst, just busiest.

I can feel my stress levels reducing, and am hoping to be a lot more social and a lot less tense. 

The. Tension. Was. Beginning. To. Be. A. Problem. I admit.

(Two pieces of work left, I can see the end.)

To celebrate, since teaching for the academic year is over*, I have reverted to the blue side.

Phew.

And relax*.

And breathe.

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* I don't like to have my hair dyed when leading classes of postgraduates.  The class is mostly full of people who are the same age as me and just as bright, if not more so.  This leads to a desire on my part to give them as little to judge me on as possible.  Pigeonholed immediately can be hard to work round.  I still remember Liverpool as a teenager, the busload of excited children staring and my abortive attempts to explain I was not a football fan to people on the streets. Things are different these days, but people still presume on first glance.

** I took a trip to see an old friend that practices shiatsu.  I hadn't been in five years it turned out.  I appear to be much better now than I was then, surprisingly, and it was a lovely calming experience (so calming I fell asleep).  All the points she mentioned that I felt strongly about were for 'calming the mind' entertainingly.

Rushed and yet not

Working flat out, continuous but relaxed, long days, long weeks, my promised holiday to myself melted away into yet more opportunities I could not miss.  Been a good month; have forgotten most that is not work related.

I had a birthday, lovely time at the hideous and yet fun Bali Brasserie.  Grateful to all my friends that came and reminded me that I had not lost them all to work.

I did a storytelling performance, stood up and told in front of a paying audience.  Wish I had spent more than a couple of hours in prep, but seemed ok in the end.

I slept I think.

I wish I had had more time to enjoy the outdoors, to bask in the spring air and gaze at the flowers.  Mild regrets.

Holes in time.

Five Things

I find it strange how you can watch a meme spread, yet still be surprised when it eventually hits you. 

So, I’ve been tagged by Rosie to share my 'Five things you didn’t know about me'.  This proved an interesting challenge, so I am writing this for those who may not know me personally (where I have few secrets left).

1. When I was little I always wanted to open a craft shop.  One where I would make things all day and sell them on.  I was terrible at knitting, dressmaking, crochet and carving, but good at rugmaking, tapestry, cushion making, embroidery, sweet-making, and flower-pressing.  It was either that or become a writer. 
2. I compulsively recite the poem Jabberwocky if I am reminded of it. Once I start I just can't stop.  It can become awkward, so I started mastering speed-recital.
3. I still live with my father.  There's no shame in that, just a reflection on house prices in Brighton.  I often consider moving to Norway (where I have citizenship) just because house prices are cheaper.
4. When I was a teenager I indexed all of my video tapes so I had a list of every program on every tape to the second they started and ended on the tape.  I hate to think how many days I wasted setting it up.
5. The best job I ever had was cleaning.  I enjoyed it; I got to listen to music, muse my own thoughts, get paid for exercise and get satisfaction from a job visibly well done.  Somehow this doesn't make me good at cleaning my own home.

Who next?  Hmm.  OK.  The five I choose to tell me more about themselves are: Tom, James, Sophy, Rachel, Esther.  Tag, you’re it.

Coming Up

Expectations for the coming year:

• Travel outside Europe for the first time
• Get myself published (more)
• Stop working for Hertfordshire (at some point)
• Organise a couple more exciting events (three in the works already)
• Sort out at least two of the four-and-a-half stone I gained this year
• Catch up with my friends (relearn conversation)
• Learn to knit and or make more interesting things
• Work myself to the bone
• Take a week off over Easter
• Finally sort my finances
• Take two weeks off travelling in August
• Make some more progress on my PhD
• Enjoy life

More?  Need there be more?

List 2006

If I had to list them as a top 10 (in alphabetical order):

Children of Men
Hoodwinked
Lady in the Water
Little Miss Sunshine
Pan's Labyrinth
The Departed
The Prestige
The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada
V For Vendetta
Walk The Line

Whirlwinds

So once again the tail-end of the year turned into a whirlwind of activities.

(Combined with some much needed lie-ins.)

After the visit to Devon, the xmas eve present opening, the cooking of the xmas lunch, the feeding of the 14 on boxing day, the three-day jaunt to Hastings (to play Munchkin, Cyberpunk, win at poker and generally relax), a 30th birthday party, and then New Year I now find I have much too much work to do.

And that, yet again, I have broken my phone.  In the same way as last time...

(I fear I should not be allowed near technology.)

I'm excited for the coming year.  It will be hectic, but should be pretty darned interesting.

So yes, erm, let us see how this one unfolds.

Time To Do It

And so, with my lovely supply of Kinder Milk Slices (supplied in a brown bag under the table by the lovely Rachel) having ebbed low my thoughts turn to the obvious facts.

I may actually need to start thinking about my weight.

Properly and all that.

I have always ignored my weight: when I am big I am big, and when I am not so big well, does it make any difference? (beyond needing clothes to fit all sizes)

However, right now my health is poor.  My blood pressure is worryingly high, I keep having dizzy spells and numb spells, and my asthma is apparent in a way it hasn't been since I stopped smoking.

The sedentary researcher life is not the best.

Never having done this 'dieting' thing before, I am quite daunted.

But I suppose it is time to try something new.  It is needed.